America

 

It is better for me to write than to speak. My words in the dry air may come out cold, like a slap in the face to someone who is oblivious. Like a hammer puncturing the tender part of their head. Strong, like the sound of a breaking arm during an arm-wrestling competition. There will be no real winner in the end. 

I intend for this to be uncomfortable. The uncomfortableness that I feel every day. I have grown so accustomed to being the only Black person in the room. I am frequently reminded that I stand alone, when the words of someone who is oblivious, simmers into me, like a tea pot ready to boil over.  Their words madden me to silence. How they think they know, and yet they are oblivious.

We cannot compare one struggle to another, just as we cannot compare one life to another, one fingernail to another, one body to another, one freckle to another, one stain to another, one crumb to another, one addiction to another, one beating to another, one slur to another, one rape to another, one way of thinking to another, one form of cancer with another. 

We must in the small patch of the heart, the small part receiving the most limited amount of blood, the humanity part, accept the wrong in which we do. Yes, that wrong can certainly be transferred to a culture. Transferred through a culture like an untamed wildfire. The destruction has been massive. The only way to survive is to rebuild. A certain group of people will stand, still shell shocked amongst the debris. Unable to let go, to move on, to heal. Unable to allow others to heal. 

When one person from that group denies what had occurred and says “No,” just one person-- That rings like the siren in The Purge for the killing to start. Like the jury box of a murder suspect. If one juror says “No,” this will lead to a “hung Jury” -- unless that one-stand-alone surrenders. Why won’t America surrender? 

Surrender to responsibility for the atrocities visited upon the Indigenous Peoples. Warriors who welcomed you onto their land with open arms, and a feast we now celebrate called “Thanksgiving.” Thanksgiving is in essence a celebration of the annihilation claiming rights to the stolen land by way of total massacre. 

A land that is divided by a barbed wire fence above a tall wall and is selective about who is granted citizenship. Why won’t America surrender? 

We are taught as children to admit when we are wrong and to be accountable. Why won’t America be accountable? 

It’s like a country of people watching someone steal your most prized possession, and no one tries to help. As if it never happened. America, It happened.

It is better for me to write than to speak. We cannot compare the Jew’s pain with the Indigenous people’s pain with the immigrant’s pain with the pain of Black America. They are all on different plateaus and the complexity is without end. 

It is better for me to write than to speak. If I speak, the passion in my voice may scare you. May scare you into thinking that I am just another “angry Black woman.” It may allow you to dismiss me as just another “angry Black woman.”

It may put you on the defensive, America, and I want you to understand. I want you to realize you cannot feel my pain. Just as I cannot feel your pain when you stub your toe, or bump into the corner of the wall that causes bruising-I will not carry that bruise. 

I will not carry your promise of a better future, I will not carry your hatred of people. People who cultivated, harvested, loved, and cherished this land way before you arrived carrying diseases. I will not feel your cracked pride when you are confronted with the truth.

It is better for me to write than to speak. 

 

 I will leave you with a crumb of freedom that totals my piece of the American Pie, every time I breathe: A sonnet crafted in the words of George Perry Floyd Jr, may he Rest In Peace.

 

Please, I cannot breathe, I cannot breathe, Please

Please, I cannot breathe, I cannot breathe, Please

Please, I cannot breathe, I cannot breathe, Please

Please, I cannot breathe, I cannot breathe, Please

Please, I cannot breathe, I cannot breathe, Please

Please, I cannot breathe, I cannot breathe, Please

Please, I cannot breathe, I cannot breathe, Please

Please, I cannot breathe, I cannot breathe, Please

Please, I cannot breathe, I cannot breathe, Please

Please, I cannot breathe, I cannot breathe, Please

Please, I cannot breathe, I cannot breathe, Please

Please, I cannot breathe, I cannot breathe, Please

Please, I cannot breathe, I cannot breathe, Please

Please, I cannot breathe, I cannot breathe, Please